Here we have another review from my old colleague from Great PC Games (check them out). This time it’s an overview of politics and its many downfalls. If you believe in your government, have a read of this and then look in the mirror, telling yourself it’s the right thing to believe in. I assure you, if you can, you either haven’t listened to its message or you’re an idiot. Enjoy!

Here I will be looking at politics. Each of these apply to all of the facets of your life, from home to work and have an astounding effect on your life.

Democracy: First seen in Athens in 508 BC Democracy seems to be the most popular method of governing people. It can be boiled down to a couple of simple principles. Every few years the people are given 30 seconds of freedom in order to mark a box containing the name of someone far richer then they are, and who invariably holds them in utter contempt. The person with the most marks gets to have a wage they don’t need and do more or less whatever they like for 3-5 years (depending on the country) and pretend that they actually give a crap about all the poor suckers that gave them that prize job.

Monarchy: This is where a family of rich people are made even richer and get to do whatever they like for life. Most modern monarchs have chosen the ‘be nice’ attitude mostly because they remember both the French and Russian revolutions where the monarchy were executed. This new caring style allows for the freedom to travel the world enjoying yourself. Some would argue these this diplomatic excursions are work, but given that all they really seem to do is smile and wave I suspect that the rest of us would happily trade places with them. Once a monarch dies it is customary for their oldest child to replace them.

Parliamentary: Similar to democracy with one major exception. There are 2 houses of representatives. One voted in (see democracy) and one chosen by the leaders of previous administrations. The latter is full of people who are not only rich but have the distinction of not having to go through that bothersome fiasco of asking to stay where they are. They are allowed to remain in their post for life leading to the increasing elderly and confused nature of this second house.

Presidential: A presidential system is a system of government where an executive branch is led by a president who serves as both head of state and head of government. In such a system, this branch exists separately from the legislature, to which it is not responsible and which it cannot, in normal circumstances, dismiss. It is essentially a form of democracy and the same as the parliamentary system with the exception that the second house is elected. Sooooo, more rich people telling you what to do.

Capitalist: This is usually working in unison with democracy, but will work with most other methods too. It is easily defined as rich people getting richer and poor people getting poorer. There are exceptions, but they are rare and held up as examples to encourage the poor to try harder, usually leading to premature death under the weight of their stress and debt. Capitalism, though popular is destined to fail because the excesses of the rich minority so enrage the poor majority that it really is only a matter of time before the system collapses under its own engorged weight.

Communism: Ideally a classless, moneyless social structure where everyone has the same as everyone else. This sounds perfect as a utopian system but sadly is destined to be corrupted by the greed of those in charge. It invariably ends up as a diluted form of monarchy.

Anarchism: Anarchism is generally defined as the political philosophy which holds the state to be undesirable, unnecessary, and harmful. Sounds attractive until you again take into account the corruptive nature of people. It will invariably lead to lawlessness by some or all of the population. Lawlessness seems nice until you realise that your belongings, and more importantly your family are not protected by anything but you and what you can muster. Suddenly the police do not seem like the jackboot of the government oppressing the masses, but the saviours of the weak and vulnerable.

Dictatorship: A dictatorship is essentially a monarchy without the smile. Pretty much every dictator has met a sticky end and still they don’t seem to learn. Dictators can be linked with other methods of government, and tend to be rich and are usually quite mad, choosing to violate human rights and start wars to validate their personal inadequacies.

So what can we learn from this? Firstly, I can’t be arsed to do every piddling variation of government. Secondly, it is always rich people doing whatever they like and telling everyone else what is best for them , regardless of whether those people believe them or not. Most are corrupt in some way and all are believed by those performing the acts to be the only valid method.